Who I Used to Be

Locating who I am
So far from who I was
I feel like a scam
Like a bee without a buzz

Just lost without sight
Not sure where I turned
Always wrong, never right
Seeming to get burned

Can’t make heads or tails
Finding the route out
Losing all sight of the trails
Blinded by what it’s about

Stuck in this maze
Can’t see through the trees
Lost in the days
Of who I used to be

©10/27/09
JLK

Thoughts of You

You can hurt me without trying
Make my heart break into pieces
In the end I sit here crying
The longing and pain increases

So I sit here waiting planning my move
Trying to forget you to get over you
Remembering there is always room to improve
Getting over you is what I need to do

But it’s too easy to sit back and reminisce
Back to the smiles from our first call
Back to the times when I felt that bliss
Back to that moment when I began to fall

The pain has already come and gone
It lingers for moments at a time
Deep inside of me until the break of dawn
All the while knowing it’s a crime

So don’t hold your breath, I won’t hold mine
All I know is this feeling has to be eased
It’s only a matter of space and time
We know this is bigger than any tease

I’ll wait patiently for that day because it will come
Where everything will click and I’ll surrender
When everything in the world will come undone
Falling into that amazing place with you so tender

© 10/26/09 JLK

Fools Gold

The want is so strong
The need is so great
Why does it feel all wrong
My timing is always too late

You have no right
But you have this hold
I'm giving up this fight
This piece of fools gold

I'm feeling this too intensely
Wanting it all too much
Missing you immensely
Longing for your touch

So insanely idiotic
These feelings for you
My mind fills with erotic
Thoughts that get me through

10/25/09
JLK

Hardcore Sin

My heart swells
This lust builds
It seems I fell
It's nothing but still

When I lay alone
You creep on in
Something I've known
You're a hardcore sin

Yet you enter
Twisting me inside
Hitting me in the center
Filling me with pride

I'd wish I never met you
But that would be a lie
Because I love what you do
You make my heart fly

10/25/09
JLK

Unanswered

I lay alone in my bed
Questioning everything you said
Miles keep us far apart
Yet here you are stuck in my heart

The tears offer no relief
My heart tightens offering no release
I knew of this from go
And these feelings continue to grow

I got too close
Something I know
I blindly continued to fall
Having my heart stall

There's no release in this bed
Unanswered questions float instead
I'll never know or have that chance
To have that one wild romance

10/24/09
JLK

Shooting Star

You're out of my reach
So far from my grasp
Something your preached
But I'd hope would last

Very few ties that bind
Yet my heart is with you
Longing for you to find
A way to make it through

I doubted that I'd feel this way
I laughed you off as a joke
I often think back to that first day
The very first time we spoke

My heart is bound
To a shooting star
Streaming to the ground
Not able to stretch this far

10/24/09
JLK

In Your View

You tell me your lies
I beg that they're true
Love is a disguise
To help you muddle through

Just want that chance
To be a part of you
Just a small dance
To be in your view

Speak your words to me
I'll memorize every part
You'll never be able to see
The effect you have on my heart

So whisper thos lies to me
The ones my hearts pleads to be true
You'll live unknowingly
What true love can really do

10/23/09
JLK

Poker Face

Here I sit, my cards are on the table
Face up so you can see where I stand
I know that you and I aren't able
To breathe the same air or even touch hands

I never meant to be so truthful
Yet it poured on out of me
In this life I'm completely grateful
To meet someone who sees like I see

I wish we could bridge this distance
That there could be more than this thing
This invisble strong proof of existence
We're bound together forever by this string

You say it scares you to hurt me
God, I plead that line be true
Cause you can never truly feel or see
Me going crazy or what I'd do

For I would die if I never knew you
The small important connected part of me
I die a little daily not to see this through
It's a part of me I never allowed you to see

Yet my cards are face up on this table
My desperate heart is on the line
My heart is there while my feet are unable
In this life I no longer want to be blind

10/23/09
JLK

The Twist Inside

I want to locate the pain
Remove it from my soul
To not have this constant strain
Or live in this black hole

You’ve broken me apart
Showing me the way
I need to tear out this heart
And crush it today

The twist inside my core
The stabbing pain through my chest
Makes me question you more
Wonder if it was your best

I want to remove myself from this
Remove the pain from within
To ignore you & your kiss
Remove every piece of me I’ve given

Yet I’m so lost without you
You were the one who knew me
The things you helped and saw me through
You helped me along and helped me see

I want to tear this ache out
To bring back my smile
Unsure what this is really about
It’s torturing me all the while

10/9/09
JLK

Dreams Vs Reality

When dreams clash with reality
I awaken from a dream
And there is a sense of finality
That nothing is ever as it seemed

My heart chases after a mirage
Something that was never really there
I'm in need of a heart massage
To disturb death’s glare

I've lost everything I've had in sight
All the hope I had filled inside
Disappears to leave me with is the night
There’s nothing left, not even pride

I finally see the dreams aren’t real
The only thing is the pain
It shakes me to the core, it’s all I feel
Sunny days soon fill with rain

10/9/09
JLK

Losing You

I'm throwing the roses away today
I've held onto them for way too long
I don't look at them the same way
I now look at them all wrong

You have feelings for her I can see it now
My heart is shattered, the walls they rise
I don't know if I can love again, I don't see how
You've become just another one of the guys

Who placed me second who made me cry
You raised me up to push me down
I knew I was right for questioing why
I continue to cry, my sobs make no sound

I'm trying to erase every positive memory of you
Replacing it with the hate you now feel
I never thought it would ever be through
Just as it finally seemd to become real

10/4/09
JLK

Silence

Is it better to know
or not to know
To just let it go
Before it lets you go

Without you it's a life wasted
To not know how freedom tastes
The constant knot ever growing
The loss of never really knowing

Breaking down the pieces
Feeling so undeniably defeated
I can't be second best anymore
I can't pick up my heart from the floor

Everyday my faith in me gets worse
I've come to look at my life as a curse
Is it better to know or not know
Maybe its time to let the silence grow

10/4/09
JLK

Dying Rose

I need a hug and not from you
Those days have died and are through

You've moved on and broke me apart
It seemed you lead me to just break my heart

You let me grow closer just to get even
To teach me what it's like on this side of leaving

I've learned the lesson. walls are being built
My heart stopped blooming and has begun to wilt

10/4/09
JLK

Wishing on Stars

Your phone rang and out you went
I sat back with obvious discontent
Always the second, never the first
Yet I have this longing for you, this thirst

I love you for all that you are
No matter the distance, near or far
Yet to know that you aren’t mine
It is an ache I cannot truly define

I know my place and you know yours
It hits me hard as you walk out that door
Yet, I love you and I can’t let that die
I never want to lose you, I cannot lie

But I know I’ll get the call one day
Your girl will win and get her way
Yet, I will continue to love you
Trying to breathe and muddle through

Your heart belongs to both her and I
You can promise and give her the stars in the sky
While I get the quiet reflective moments alone
That make me quiver,shake and tear me to the bone

So I am not yours and you are not mine
Just a couple of young souls intertwined
My tears are for you and what isn’t ours
And I’ll just keep wishing upon these stars

10/1/09
JLK