Within Words

Gone

2012-01-27T10:42:00.001-08:00

Everything seems to fall away
No matter how hard we try to hold on
It easily begins to slowly stray
Regardless of how close the bond

The only hope is that one day it shall return
Waiting on that day is pure pain
Maybe it will come back without a burn
Without the worry it will fade again

These tears that fall long for the past
Long for the moments that burned into my soul
Moments that I thought would always last
Yet a thief broke in and they were all stolen

Glimpses of hope and memories to smile by
Just sadden my heart and shatter it to pieces
Making me curl up to shake and cry
Appreciating and accepting those moments are on lease

JLK – 1/27/12

The Burn

2011-07-19T13:32:00.001-07:00

Strike a match
And watch it burn
The flame lasts
And I never learn

It touches my skin
Leaving behind the pain
Letting it sink within
Never speaking of it again

I stumble and fall
Bringing everything down
Ready to give my all
Not caring what hits ground

So sick of being helpless
In this world I can’t control
With feelings of being hopeless
Of all the love that I have stole

I can’t give in and I can’t lose sight
Of what I feel is out there for me
That feeling of fear every night
For no one else to see

So I strike another match
Again I watch it burn
For the same length the flame lasts
And I will never begin to learn.

JLK - 7/19/11

Giving Up Control

2011-06-27T15:04:00.000-07:00

To be held in the arms that love me
Knowing that I’m safe and secure
Feel that rush when I’m finally seen
It feels like the ultimate cure

Knowing what I’ve missed
Reassured it was worth the wait
To finally feel that first kiss
Will finally set my heart straight

Hands wrapped around my skin
Words sung into my ear
To know there is no chagrin
Knowing that with him there’s no fear

Losing all control giving my soul
Fully aware of wait I’m releasing
Giving up to him my full control
Letting him take what’s his for seizing

JLK 6/27/11

Blue Skies

2011-06-27T14:54:00.001-07:00

Try to sell me my dreams
But the price is too high
Reality is never what it seems
While the future floats by

I reach for the clouds
You smack my hand away
It fills my head with doubt
When all I want is you to stay

I build my faith in fantasy
Work myself up for the fall
Reality is only what we see
Do hopes & dreams exist at all

My mind drifts to better days
When nothing falls or crumbles
Back to days where I was amazed
To days when I ran without a stumble

Sell me my hopes in a ziplock bag
Keep my dreams locked up tight
Don’t let life be such a drag
Let them see the sun shine bright

Release it into the open sky for me
Please never let me fall away
Don’t lock me up and throw away the key
Guarantee me that we’ll never fray

JLK 6/27/11

Second Chance

2011-06-17T14:57:00.000-07:00

It’s all been said before
The same old song and dance
Leaves me broken on the floor
A fool who gives a second chance

Nothing can erase the doubts
That fills this weary heart & head
Wondering what this is all about
Where my heart should be instead

I sit back and watch the world pass by
Never knowing what the future will hold
So I sit and stare up at the blue cloudless sky
Remembering the lies I’ve been told

Did I make a mistake in believing once more?
Did I stumble right into the trap that has been set?
What does my future have in store?
Can I really trust in love or expect a truckload of regret?

JLK 6/16/11

Thought Process

2011-06-17T14:56:00.001-07:00

Locked all day in thoughts of you

Memories of everything comes thrusting through

As I sit so far away

Wondering of that day

When the bottom falls out

When I learn what heartache is about

The day I swallow my pain and watch you smile

When I see her walk as a bride down your aisle

The day your child is finally born

I sit alone all tattered and torn

These are my thoughts of the future of you without me

Lately these visions are all I can see

So you ask why I think too much and not just let it flow

Because I can’t bear to think of the day I have to let you go

To not have you as the beacon in my life

For you to take another as your wife

It is my world’s greatest fear

For now I’ll have to switch gears

Turn off my thinking cap and focus on another

Begin a new life, possibly take a new lover

I’d wait for you until breath no longer passed through my lips

For the chance of your hands to lay upon me like a death grip

Just wish you had enough love to give you the power to move

Wish I had the chance cause I guarantee you would not lose

JLK 6/17/11

Picking Up The Pieces

2011-02-22T13:12:00.001-08:00

Did I get wrapped up in the illusion of it all
Did I believe all the wrong words
How did I manage not to die in this fall
Instead just end up shattered and disturbed

Now I feel as if everything that was said was a lie
That everything I knew about you was a hoax
I sit and question everything wondering why
I always thought we were so close

I feel like such a fool believing you
Yet you were and still are a good friend
Now I sit here curious if it’s all through
Picking up these pieces alone in the end

Was it all just mirrors and smoke
Was I just a pawn in this game
I never thought what we were was a joke
I know we will never be the same

JLK 2/22/11

Where there's a will...

2010-09-29T12:39:00.001-07:00

I’m not entirely proud of what we’ve become
The possibility of everything we’ve built coming undone
It scares me to the deepest corner of my soul
The future laid out in front of us - the great unknown

To know that my importance isn’t a daily thing
Or so it can somehow possibly seem
Pondering how much you want me there with you
Is a question I can’t seem to get an answer to

It feels like I’m infatuated & obsessed that’s true
But when you know what you want, what else can you do
So you wait, consider the future and hope for the best
Yet your brain doesn’t allow you time to rest

I know the passion, the want, the desire is there
I know there is some sort of love; a definite care
Yet I question this nightly if it can ever see the light of day
The only answer I come up with is: “If there’s a will there’s a way”.

© 9/29/10 JLK

Enjoy the View

2010-09-23T13:11:00.001-07:00

I see a mirror of myself when I look at you
Wondering how this ever became to be true
Stepping deeper and deeper into this mess
It’s something I never considered I must confess

Looking back into our history
So many mistakes I can now see
Never started soon enough or took the bait
Now I see it full circle it’s all too late

Shot for the moon and landed among the stars
Never imagined I’d be so close yet so far
The past is just that painfully just the past
The future is out before us just hoping we’ll last

Looking in the mirror at myself and seeing you
Taking a step back and enjoying the view
Just a little time is all I think I’ll need
To get away from you and get back to me

© JLK 9/23/10

You'll Haunt Me

2010-09-14T14:37:00.001-07:00

Certain words should not have been spoken
Words should not have been said
Then hearts wouldn’t be broken
Thoughts wouldn’t have entered this head

It’s amazing the words you tend to believe
The words you’ve always wanted to hear from those lips
How the simplest words can definitely deceive
And breakdown the closest of friendships

Ignorance is bliss and I never truly understood
How a heart can shatter into thin air
And it can never be put back together the way it should
Not even with the utmost care

My heart ached for those feelings and thoughts
Especially from that one “perfect” soul
I’ll never know what time has made me lost
Guess I’ll never have the chance to fully know

© JLK 9/14/10

Soaring

2010-09-10T12:57:00.001-07:00

I know what I want and I can tell you what I need
It doesn’t matter though because you only see what you see

Things are up and outside of me living and breathing on their own
I can’t believe how far I’ve come and gone setting myself on loan

The way we move and weave into one another’s soul
Is a story too amazing to ever possibly be told

I know what I want and what I need getting there is a whole other tale
To become who we truly need to be without putting ourselves on sale

© JLK 9/10/10

Hidden Away

2010-08-22T10:43:00.001-07:00

Our love sits hidden deep in the dark

It sits alone and still in there

Not allowed to shine or dare to spark

It seems as if you don’t care

Not given the chance to know who you are

It sits and festers within me

Curious if we can ever or will this be a scar

That only I will be able to feel or see

The both of us made this what it has become

I cannot help to continue to wonder

What lives would we have – what would we have done

I feel like this is definitely my life’s largest blunder

I wonder if I’m ever going to be worth that chance

I continuously doubt I will ever be

Knowing I am worth that dance

And desperately wanting it to be you and me

©JLK 8/21/10

Where Am I Suppose To Be?

2010-08-22T10:38:00.001-07:00

Laying in his arms thinking of you
Wishing it was you instead
Wondering what I have to do
To remove you from my heart and head

Regretting so many things undone
Wanting to make it all right again
So many songs left unsung
Everything broken that needs to mend

I know who we are and where we stand
Wish it could be so different from where we are
I hope this is something you understand
I’ll continue hoping and wishing on this star

I continue to lay in his arms wishing they were yours
My heart breaks every moment I’m there
Wondering where I will be and what life has in store
Kicking myself for taking so long to get here

© JLK 8/22/10

Breakage

2010-08-12T12:20:00.001-07:00

My heart breaks apart a little each day
Never knowing the right or wrong thing to say

Wondering if there is ever a chance to make it right
Or should I just walk away and give up this fight

Should we stand still and remain where we are
Is there any luck wishing on a falling star

I don’t know how to throw in the towel with you
Questioning if I should give up and be through

Cause even though my heart breaks each day
You can build it right back up right away

My heart breaks apart a little each day
Always wondering if “I love you” is okay to say

©JLK 8/12/10

Intertwined

2010-07-09T14:32:00.001-07:00

I know who I am; I know who you are
Our souls wandered into one another
Amongst the falling stars
Somehow we found each other

By fate or destiny our lives crashed into one
Colliding our lives; intertwining our paths
Underneath the rising and setting sun
Putting the inevitable out of our grasp

Under the same moonlight
We walk, laugh and play
Within the daylight
We move and think the same way

I know who I am; I know who you are
Our souls intertwined the moment we spoke
Somehow born from the same star
Somehow inevitably broke

7/9/10
© JLK

Sadness

2010-05-17T09:13:00.001-07:00

There is a sadness in my eyes
Not hidden anymore
Questioning truth or lies
Trying to settle the score

My heart breaks for paths not taken
I ache for someone to get me
Not let my life be one more mistake
For someone to finally see

I know I cannot change it
I can’t alter what is not mine
Right now nothing seems to fit
Something I can’t seem to find

Yet the sadness remains
I can’t find my way out
It seems it will all be the same
Nothing to cry about

© 5/17/10 JLK

In Too Deep

2010-03-15T08:40:00.000-07:00

Sucked in too deep
I don’t know what to do
But try and sleep
With the thoughts of you

Circling my head
Trying not to dream
Yet it happens again
Viewing nothing as it will be

My heart wanders on turning the page
Wondering what will be
When I reach the end of this daze
Will I ever end up happy

So I move on and I’ll make it through
More nights trying to fight
Not wanting more dreams of you
No more dreams, not tonight

© 3/13/10
JLK

Wishes

2010-03-15T08:33:00.001-07:00

I’ve made some wrong choices
Chose the wrong paths
Silenced my voice
Struggled through the aftermath

My heart has paid the hefty price
My questionable future as well
We all have our vices
I feel as if I’m under a spell

Locked in a few years too late
Trying to make right what is wrong
I fear I’ve sealed my fate
It took me too long

The choices are set in stone
My heart does continue to mend
So I’ll figure this out alone
Throwing wishes to the wind

© 3/15/10
JLK

Space

2010-03-03T07:42:00.001-08:00

Here in the dark as I try to sleep
The words wrap around me

Cradling me inside of them
As if they were your arms

Holding me close as I breathe in
Thinking of this curse and our sins

I know what I feel, I believe you too
But my heart is breaking that’s the solid truth

So I lay here in the dark
Waiting for that spark

Your fingers to touch my skin
Awake me from deep within

But alone I lay with the sadness in my heart
The tears they comfort me yet I’m still torn apart

So the words you send comfort me
As I think of what will never be

My heart yearns to know you
To be connected more that’s true

But I will always be the one that got away
And you will always be the one that strayed

© JLK 3/3/10

Numb

2010-03-03T07:41:00.001-08:00

Differences may keep us apart
But as I lay in bed alone in the dark

My heart yearns to be next to yours
Through the space between my mind soars

Imagining a day where I can be free
Where nothing comes between you and me

Yet I know deep down that day will never come
And following my heart is making me numb

© JLK – 3/3/10

Who I Used to Be

2009-10-27T14:07:00.001-07:00

Locating who I am
So far from who I was
I feel like a scam
Like a bee without a buzz

Just lost without sight
Not sure where I turned
Always wrong, never right
Seeming to get burned

Can’t make heads or tails
Finding the route out
Losing all sight of the trails
Blinded by what it’s about

Stuck in this maze
Can’t see through the trees
Lost in the days
Of who I used to be

©10/27/09
JLK

Thoughts of You

2009-10-26T09:18:00.001-07:00

You can hurt me without trying
Make my heart break into pieces
In the end I sit here crying
The longing and pain increases

So I sit here waiting planning my move
Trying to forget you to get over you
Remembering there is always room to improve
Getting over you is what I need to do

But it’s too easy to sit back and reminisce
Back to the smiles from our first call
Back to the times when I felt that bliss
Back to that moment when I began to fall

The pain has already come and gone
It lingers for moments at a time
Deep inside of me until the break of dawn
All the while knowing it’s a crime

So don’t hold your breath, I won’t hold mine
All I know is this feeling has to be eased
It’s only a matter of space and time
We know this is bigger than any tease

I’ll wait patiently for that day because it will come
Where everything will click and I’ll surrender
When everything in the world will come undone
Falling into that amazing place with you so tender

© 10/26/09 JLK

Fools Gold

2009-10-25T18:27:00.000-07:00

The want is so strong
The need is so great
Why does it feel all wrong
My timing is always too late

You have no right
But you have this hold
I'm giving up this fight
This piece of fools gold

I'm feeling this too intensely
Wanting it all too much
Missing you immensely
Longing for your touch

So insanely idiotic
These feelings for you
My mind fills with erotic
Thoughts that get me through

10/25/09
JLK

Hardcore Sin

2009-10-25T18:22:00.000-07:00

My heart swells
This lust builds
It seems I fell
It's nothing but still

When I lay alone
You creep on in
Something I've known
You're a hardcore sin

Yet you enter
Twisting me inside
Hitting me in the center
Filling me with pride

I'd wish I never met you
But that would be a lie
Because I love what you do
You make my heart fly

10/25/09
JLK

Unanswered

2009-10-25T18:08:00.000-07:00

I lay alone in my bed
Questioning everything you said
Miles keep us far apart
Yet here you are stuck in my heart

The tears offer no relief
My heart tightens offering no release
I knew of this from go
And these feelings continue to grow

I got too close
Something I know
I blindly continued to fall
Having my heart stall

There's no release in this bed
Unanswered questions float instead
I'll never know or have that chance
To have that one wild romance

10/24/09
JLK

Shooting Star

2009-10-25T17:52:00.000-07:00

You're out of my reach
So far from my grasp
Something your preached
But I'd hope would last

Very few ties that bind
Yet my heart is with you
Longing for you to find
A way to make it through

I doubted that I'd feel this way
I laughed you off as a joke
I often think back to that first day
The very first time we spoke

My heart is bound
To a shooting star
Streaming to the ground
Not able to stretch this far

10/24/09
JLK

In Your View

2009-10-25T17:45:00.000-07:00

You tell me your lies
I beg that they're true
Love is a disguise
To help you muddle through

Just want that chance
To be a part of you
Just a small dance
To be in your view

Speak your words to me
I'll memorize every part
You'll never be able to see
The effect you have on my heart

So whisper thos lies to me
The ones my hearts pleads to be true
You'll live unknowingly
What true love can really do

10/23/09
JLK

Poker Face

2009-10-25T17:25:00.000-07:00

Here I sit, my cards are on the table
Face up so you can see where I stand
I know that you and I aren't able
To breathe the same air or even touch hands

I never meant to be so truthful
Yet it poured on out of me
In this life I'm completely grateful
To meet someone who sees like I see

I wish we could bridge this distance
That there could be more than this thing
This invisble strong proof of existence
We're bound together forever by this string

You say it scares you to hurt me
God, I plead that line be true
Cause you can never truly feel or see
Me going crazy or what I'd do

For I would die if I never knew you
The small important connected part of me
I die a little daily not to see this through
It's a part of me I never allowed you to see

Yet my cards are face up on this table
My desperate heart is on the line
My heart is there while my feet are unable
In this life I no longer want to be blind

10/23/09
JLK

The Twist Inside

2009-10-09T12:05:00.000-07:00

I want to locate the pain
Remove it from my soul
To not have this constant strain
Or live in this black hole

You’ve broken me apart
Showing me the way
I need to tear out this heart
And crush it today

The twist inside my core
The stabbing pain through my chest
Makes me question you more
Wonder if it was your best

I want to remove myself from this
Remove the pain from within
To ignore you & your kiss
Remove every piece of me I’ve given

Yet I’m so lost without you
You were the one who knew me
The things you helped and saw me through
You helped me along and helped me see

I want to tear this ache out
To bring back my smile
Unsure what this is really about
It’s torturing me all the while

10/9/09
JLK

Dreams Vs Reality

2009-10-09T09:04:00.000-07:00

When dreams clash with reality
I awaken from a dream
And there is a sense of finality
That nothing is ever as it seemed

My heart chases after a mirage
Something that was never really there
I'm in need of a heart massage
To disturb death’s glare

I've lost everything I've had in sight
All the hope I had filled inside
Disappears to leave me with is the night
There’s nothing left, not even pride

I finally see the dreams aren’t real
The only thing is the pain
It shakes me to the core, it’s all I feel
Sunny days soon fill with rain

10/9/09
JLK

Losing You

2009-10-05T16:06:00.000-07:00

I'm throwing the roses away today
I've held onto them for way too long
I don't look at them the same way
I now look at them all wrong

You have feelings for her I can see it now
My heart is shattered, the walls they rise
I don't know if I can love again, I don't see how
You've become just another one of the guys

Who placed me second who made me cry
You raised me up to push me down
I knew I was right for questioing why
I continue to cry, my sobs make no sound

I'm trying to erase every positive memory of you
Replacing it with the hate you now feel
I never thought it would ever be through
Just as it finally seemd to become real

10/4/09
JLK

Silence

2009-10-05T16:01:00.001-07:00

Is it better to know
or not to know
To just let it go
Before it lets you go

Without you it's a life wasted
To not know how freedom tastes
The constant knot ever growing
The loss of never really knowing

Breaking down the pieces
Feeling so undeniably defeated
I can't be second best anymore
I can't pick up my heart from the floor

Everyday my faith in me gets worse
I've come to look at my life as a curse
Is it better to know or not know
Maybe its time to let the silence grow

10/4/09
JLK

Dying Rose

2009-10-05T15:56:00.000-07:00

I need a hug and not from you
Those days have died and are through

You've moved on and broke me apart
It seemed you lead me to just break my heart

You let me grow closer just to get even
To teach me what it's like on this side of leaving

I've learned the lesson. walls are being built
My heart stopped blooming and has begun to wilt

10/4/09
JLK

Wishing on Stars

2009-10-01T11:18:00.001-07:00

Your phone rang and out you went
I sat back with obvious discontent
Always the second, never the first
Yet I have this longing for you, this thirst

I love you for all that you are
No matter the distance, near or far
Yet to know that you aren’t mine
It is an ache I cannot truly define

I know my place and you know yours
It hits me hard as you walk out that door
Yet, I love you and I can’t let that die
I never want to lose you, I cannot lie

But I know I’ll get the call one day
Your girl will win and get her way
Yet, I will continue to love you
Trying to breathe and muddle through

Your heart belongs to both her and I
You can promise and give her the stars in the sky
While I get the quiet reflective moments alone
That make me quiver,shake and tear me to the bone

So I am not yours and you are not mine
Just a couple of young souls intertwined
My tears are for you and what isn’t ours
And I’ll just keep wishing upon these stars

10/1/09
JLK

Waiting on You

2009-09-26T20:11:00.000-07:00

The one I desire
I should know better
Coming down to the wire
Becoming clever

My heart has been tainted
Broken, battered, and torn
My belief in men is shaken
Any hope left has been taken

I sit and wait like never before
Waiting for you to appear
For you to walk through that door
But just as I had feared…

My heart breaks again
Waiting for you is a mistake
Just like all the other men
You’ve caused my heart to break

9/26/09
JLK

Broken

2009-09-24T07:35:00.000-07:00

My heart is breaking
‘Cause every word is true
Everyone else was faking
And I’m tired and through

I need time to mend this feeling
Of needing to be the one
This life bears no real meaning
It holds no essence of fun

I keep looking ahead to find
That everything is a mirage
Nothing can ever be mine
Just a life full of facades

Each day my heart shatters
All over again as the sun rises
You build me up as if it matters
And I throw on my disguise

Yet inside I’m broken
Doubt I can be repaired
With all the words you’ve spoken
I’m still in a pit of despair

Because my heart is breaking
Because every word was true
Everyone else was faking
And sadly I’m tired and I’m through

JLK - 9/24/09

Hidden

2009-09-22T07:42:00.001-07:00

Hidden in this black hole
To stay and never leave
Dying an empty soul
While no one grieves

You all move on leaving me
Hidden in this black hole
You can’t understand or see
My time you have stole

But I’m expected to sit still
Just wait for you in the dark
Never wanting my share or fill
Waiting without a spark

I’ll die alone waiting for acceptance
Waiting to belong inside you
Enduring this sufferance
Until this life is through

JLK
9/22/09

Fearless

2009-09-18T13:10:00.000-07:00

My heart breaks
Knowing that you know
How my heart aches
And is afraid to grow

You’ve known all along
How I ache to sit here
All these years alone
Feeling like you didn’t care

My secret is out
The pain illuminated
No need to mope about
Or to feel suffocated

All this loneliness
That was buried within
Released with the bitterness
No longer guilty as sin

Always hiding in the shadows
Afraid to be seen and heard
Forever staring out the windows
Lines no longer blurred

It’s not a crime to cry
To want to belong
To not have to ask why
Or worry to be wrong

To be welcomed with open arms
Not to fear of what is thought
To be able to be calm
To fall and know you’ll be caught

Yet I’m still sad that you knew
And didn’t offer a hand
To know you see it from my view
That someone understands

I wouldn’t have to feel alone
The pain so deep I sobbed
Yet with the pain I have grown
And still I feel robbed

I could’ve been fearless
I learned how on my own
There is no bitterness
For how you have helped me grow

JLK
9/18/09

Winds of Change

2009-09-17T09:13:00.001-07:00

Open the window
Crawl inside
Winds of change blow
Never you mind

Creep in through the back
Sneak into your heart
I carry on with the sneak attack
It began from the start

It overwhelmed me
Without me knowing
But you can see
Winds of change are blowing

Let me crawl beside you
Lay next to you in bed
Such a different view
With you inside my head

JLK
9/17/09

Silence

2009-09-16T13:58:00.000-07:00

Your silence breaks my heart
Making it impossible to mend
I’m been shattered and broken apart
My lost heart thought it found a friend

You say you don’t want to hurt me
That you love me and we have a bond
But you can’t understand or fully see
Over this and how deep into the beyond

There is this strong pull to you
I can never stay upset
No matter what you put me through
You are something I’ll never regret

Your silence cuts through my soul
Tearing me to pieces
Something you should know
My love for you decreases

It aches me to have to admit
Brings tears to my eyes
This addiction I’ve got to quit
Stop living this lie

Shattering me apart bit by bit
Crushing me to the bone
I think it’s time to begin this split
I’d rather be alone

JLK
9-16-09

The Possibility of You

2009-09-15T14:48:00.001-07:00

The possibility of you
Warms me up completely
I need to get through
And over you neatly

But you come into my dreams
Sweetly kissing my neck
When I awake I scream
You’re not there and I’m a wreck

Yet that day goes by a smile on my face
And you’re always in my mind
You are never in one single place
Someone I cannot seem to find

Somehow the possibility of you
Warms my heart and soul
I need to move on and find someone new
And I know I can’t let you go

9-15-09
JLK

Vampire of my Soul

2009-09-15T07:22:00.001-07:00

I invite you in
You steal my soul
The best way to live
Best feeling I know

Yet you disappear from me
My heart yearning for more
I can hardly bare to see
What living life without you is for

Yet you sneak back through
I fall for you yet again, harder
Producing more love for you
Wondering when this all started

But you come and go
Never allowing yourself to fall deep
I have few ways to show
Only touching you in my sleep

So you flitter into my world
Making me long for you more
Leaving me so unfurled
Wanting to be the one you adore

Yet I invite you into my sight
With an open heart and open mind
I know what I’m doing isn’t right
But it’s the best feeling I can find

JLK
9/15/09

Meltdown...

2009-09-14T09:13:00.001-07:00

Kisses upon my neck
Trailing down my skin
Somehow I cannot forget
This evil sin

Wanting you here with me
Never getting enough
How can I make you see
Sleeping alone is getting rough

Your voice makes me grin
Just the hint of attention
Overflows my head with sin
Bringing thoughts of aggression

Yet we are separate and always connected
The bond can never be torn
Only slightly adjusted and perfected
Never tattered, never torn

I bend with ease
When you appear to me
I go with the breeze
With weakened knees

Wanting you here with me
Never getting enough
How can I make you see
That sleeping alone is getting rough

JLK 9-14-09

My Journey

2009-09-03T12:04:00.001-07:00

You can’t fault me for everything I’ve done
I has helped me along my journey
To be the woman I’ve become
Even though you’ve seen through me

All this time my heart has shattered and mended
Hidden within myself I nursed it alone
I never thought of the transcendence
Held myself back while everyone had grown

Body and soul were always weak
Needing a helping hand
Yet I sat there meek
No one to understand

Bad choices, yes I’ve made my share
But I wouldn’t change a thing
This is my journey, just so that you’re aware
I can allow you in or leave you wondering

9/3/09
JLK

Goodbye Again

2009-09-03T00:33:00.001-07:00

I see your bags are packed and your ready to go

I know you need to leave so I'll open the door

You've walked on my heart one last time

So with a smile I forget all your sweet little rhymes

I loved you- you threw it away

When I saw you with her just the other day

I told you time and time again

I refuse to let you be that kind of man

You're not going to break me

and I know you wish you were letting me free

But my how nice it is to be on this side?

With me not caring how you feel inside

You tore me to pieces the first, second and third time

when I caught you committing your little *love* crimes

But you lied and waltzed back into my heart

and mended back the pieces that had broken apart

You must've did something wrong

You mended my heart back together and made me strong

Now I can watch you leave me with a smile

and know that I can make that last mile

Sure it takes me awhile to learn

and I know I need the fire within me to burn

Sure I can look back at this and maybe I'll weep

but I know I can make it through tonight without losing sleep

©2001 JoAnn Kornatowski

Memories

2009-09-03T00:32:00.001-07:00

Memories flood this head of mine

Never leaving me alone giving me the time

I need to heal this heavy heart

Always breaking it apart

My thoughts reel back to you

Whenever my work day is through

The songs remind me of how you made me feel

The feeling of being a woman in love of being real

You brought my lonesome life alive

Gave me some sense of glorious pride

Made me feel loved and a sense of being

And when I left the thought never fleeted

I still carry those feelings with me

Yet I feel incredibly lonely

But it's only something you can mend

Just a lovely thought floating in my head

Joeann L. Hunter 1/28/04

Lonely & Down

2009-09-03T00:31:00.000-07:00

Lonely and down

Until you come round

You make me smile

Brighten my darkest mile

You don't know

How my smile grows

When you step in

Just with a silly grin

How you sigh

How you say goodbye

You brighten me so

More than you know

Lonely and down

When you're not around

Brighten my mile

With a glimpse of your smile

© Joeann L. Hunter

Someone

2009-09-03T00:29:00.004-07:00

Sometimes the world closes in

And all you need is a decent friend

Or someone to tell you that you're incredible

That your heart is wonderful

Some one to say they don't mind your morning breath

Someone to say stay in bed and rest

A hand to hold your heart

And you dread to be apart

So many dreams that faded

My heart feels jaded

I need a hand to hold my heart

Someone who cares from the start

Joeann L. Hunter - 7/7/06

Sadness

2009-09-03T00:29:00.003-07:00

There's someone I miss, With my entire being

The sweetness,The way the phone rings

Makes me sad, It tears me apart

I know it was bad, For my heart

He made me smile, Brighter than I ever did

It's been a while, Since I smiled that big

I know it's better, This is the way

A simple love letter, To lighten my day

Is all I need, But this will heal

It's a planted seed, Something that's REAL

-Joeann L. Hunter 7/13/06

beLIEve

2009-09-03T00:29:00.001-07:00

You convinced me to care - Made me beLIEve that love was there

I fell and got wrapped up - and here I am feeling dumped

My heart wasn't broken - It never got the chance to be awoken

I believed the manipulations - Waited in like for anticipation

But my sails lost the wind - The day I found she had him

You went about clueless - Not knowing the unhappiness

All done by your hands - I can never trust you and you don't understand

My heart has its scars - But this one is large

I thought there was a shard that was pure - But this is one heartache that needs time to cure

- Joeann L. Hunter 7/13/06

Duct Taped Heart

2009-09-03T00:28:00.001-07:00

Always the flirts

That tend to hurt

Your heart fills with hope

Then it bursts and you can't cope

The floor beneath you is gone

And you're once again alone

The tease, the taunts

All leave you without

Your heart hurts, it yearns

For something loving to learn

To heal and seal

Something you should'nt have to steal

The flirting is full of explosives

Something no one ever notices

Heal the heart

Before it's torn apart

Grab the duct tape

Before it's too late

- Joeann L. Hunter 7/17/06

Hidden Heart

2009-09-03T00:27:00.002-07:00

Avenge a broken heart

Dont let it be torn apart

Hide it from all to see

So it can beat silently

Dont let him get close

He hurts it the most

Covet it deep in your chest

Dont put your heart to the test

It will turn you inside out

Fill your mind with infinity of doubt

Make you love like never before

Make you hate forever more

Avenge your broken heart

Hide it from the start

Hidden from him to see

So it can go on beating silently

Joeann L. Hunter

7/18/06

How Can That Be?

2009-09-03T00:27:00.001-07:00

Some things have gone down and I can't understand

How one minute your friends then drawing a line in the sand

Your brains worked as one and how well it lasted

Yet as time goes by your friendship passes

Time well spent, laughs that were shared

Gone in a instant without a care

So sad what happens when friend lie

It causes heartache and bonds wither and die

Years pass on - you find you're alone

Then you scroll a familiar number on your phone

Should you call and rebuild that bridge

But you don't have a reason or a lie you could give

How can you tell that someone you knew so well

That your kids are married and your life's gone to hell

That now you're alone and are in need of a good friend

When that number you dial leads you to a dead end

No new number listed, no one at that name

Your life forever different - it will never be the same

So tell me cause I can't understand

Why there is a line in the sand

You didn't put it there and neither did the other

But it remains there like any other

The wind often blows them away

Yet my heart feels that this time it's here to stay

7/28/06

Joeann L. Hunter

Come Closer

2009-09-03T00:24:00.000-07:00

Come Closer

I want to be near you can't you understand

I want your smile aimed at me

I want your hand in mine - can't you see?

My heart wants to be held and shattered

Into a million pieces - as if it didn't matter

I want you to love me as if you can't have me

As if we couldn't live freely

I want that passion that I never knew existed

I want to stand in front of you as you try to resist it

My name should be beating inside of you

Until there's and end of you

Come closer I want you to take my hand

I want you in my life - how can you not understand?

8/14/06

Instant Rush

2009-09-03T00:23:00.000-07:00

His hand on my naked flesh

Instant rush - I feel blessed

To know this man who makes me smile

To be by my side every step in every mile

His heart beats into mine

Something I thought I'd never find

The touch of his hand

Reassures me he understands

I feel at peace when I am with him

Pure, unadulterated sin

His hand around my waist

Is the best feeling I've faced

I've never felt this alive before

Never felt that I could soar

His warm hand on my naked flesh

Instant rush of life - I am truly blessed

8/17/06

Turning Tables

2009-09-03T00:22:00.001-07:00

Some times you're the giver

Some times you're the taker

The tables always turn around

So grab a seat and sit down

There are days you're walked on

Then there are days you do the walkin'

His lies soon become yours

Then living becomes a chore

You were ruined once - - it's a fact

But is this the way you fight back

The tables constantly turn

Again, it will be your turn to be burned

8/24/06
JLK

Do You Know?

2009-09-03T00:21:00.001-07:00

Do you know that behind this smile lays a broken heart
Do You know each time I see you I'm torn apart?
Can you possibly imagine what goes through this head?
Or the dreams that haunt my empty bed?

They are filled with hopes of you
Envisioning one day these dreams will come true
I have had one too many heart aches
and I know what it sounds like when hope breaks

You see I've been there when my heart has been torn in two
I've felt the pain when I've heard the wicked words spoken by you
I know how it feels to be so alone you cry yourself to sleep
and I know how it feels when you can no longer weep

So do you know that behind this smile lies a broken heart?
Can you see how many times it's been torn apart?
Do you know the thoughts that rampage my head?
And the loneliness that haunts me alone in this bed?

Can you heal it and make it end?
Or can't you see it, my friend?
For I am alone and so are you
I need you now more than you ever knew

When the skies are grey and cloudy
They're no longer blue just dark and gloomy
Please don't tell me that you know how I feel
If you can't help me change it and make this pain less real

You claim you think like I do
and a million other things that just aren't true
Your heart and mine are so far from one another,
that I sometimes I wonder why do I bother

But those talks we have I wouldn't take back
And the smiles we share I carry with me like a sack
The memories I have I wouldn't trade for the world
Yet the memories I have bring me into a dream-world

Do you now know that behind this smile is a wounded heart?
That only a dream-world can mend back into one part
And the thoughts that rampage through my head
They now comfort me in this lonely bed...

Written by Yours Truly....
Joeann L. Hunter.....

The Rain

2009-09-03T00:20:00.000-07:00

The rain rocks my soul
To a restful sleep
Never will it know
The pain that sits deep

It keeps me sane
It relaxes me
It washes away the pain
Into the sea

The rain soothes
It rocks me to sleep
It has no rules
Or promises to keep

It draws me in
And slows my anger
As the droplets fall on my skin
Keeping me safe away from danger

- Joeann L. Hunter 10/13/01

Disappearing Act

2009-09-03T00:18:00.002-07:00

DISAPPEARING ACT

Take me out of the frame

Cut me out – just cut me out

There's nothing to say

I want to shout it out

Remove my name from your lips

Throw away everything

Take your hand off my hips

Destroy this ring

Forget I exist

Erase your thoughts

Move away from where we lived

It's old and our love was false

Pieces of us and our world

Were nothing – are nothing at all

We had each other fooled

That we would outlast them all

Cut me out of your heart

Throw away the key

Tear the pictures apart

So there's no proof of me

I never want to hear your voice

Lose my numbers – don't call

Remember this was your choice

Continue to trash my love against a wall

9/28/06

Unhappy Ending

2009-09-03T00:18:00.001-07:00

Am I happy where I am?

Not many changes - not shaken

I'm comfortable in this scam

With my heart not taken

Do I love my life?

Trapped in this glass ball

Do I want to be a wife?

Who knows this after all?

The bomb has yet to explode

My world is slightly intact

With no place to go…

It a sad, sad fact

Do I look for an escape?

A certain type of emotion

Rescuing me from this place

Yes, I have that notion

I am happy where I am

No changes – never shaken

I'm comfortable with this scam

Yet, I feel so forsaken

My heart's been stolen and broken

Like everything else it has mended

With just a small token

Of an unhappy ending

Joeann L. Hunter(Me - PEN NAME)

9/28/06 11:28pm

Disarray

2009-09-03T00:17:00.003-07:00

I thought my life would have changed

Not be in this disarray

I feel like a stranger

In my own daze

I'm one person with certain tastes

Then I turn around

I feel it is all a waste

That everything's fallen to the ground

Then I find myself all romantical

Wanting him to come along

Then it's all about being comical

And that's when it feels wrong

I want him – my Mr. Right

I've met a Mr. Ok's…

But they couldn't turn on the light

Inside of me in quite that way

I'm looking for the fairy tale

The true love that is out there

I've heard that love goes stale

And fairy tales aren't here

My knees get bloody when I fall

There's no one to catch me

To stop me when I hit that wall

But maybe one day – we'll see

9/30/06

Support

2009-09-03T00:17:00.001-07:00

Crying my eyes out against the wall

Letting it cradle me and catch my fall

My head is throbbing

As I continue sobbing

I cannot take this anymore

I feel like I'm in constant war

The lies and the deceit

I feel I'm always in retreat

Running away in tears

Hiding away my fears

Arguing about this and that

Losing ground here, it's a fact

Not seeing the end result

Only seeing the present, it's my fault

Not being able to breathe

Not being able to be me

I'm sick of being the only one

On this side of the sun

I'm sick of hearing how I'm wrong

I should turn my cheek and get along

I can't erase my beliefs and sit

I cannot look away from this shit

I need to leave, move out of state

It's what I need – it is my inevitable fate.

9/30/06

Cornered

2009-09-03T00:16:00.001-07:00

CORNERED

I would love not be backed into a corner

Love to be in love and not scorned

I would enjoy them having this knot

And see how easy it was to be forgotten

The noise in their head and chaos in their chest

Always wondering if they were the pest

Not being annoyed – how wonderful that would be

If only they could understand what it's like to be me

To never have someone to lean on or no one on my side

Always hear bickering or silence when you try to confide

I'm always striving to not care but then I turn cold

To never have anyone listen and always be scolded

I would love someone to hug me and understand

Just someone to be there and hold my empty hand

Or massage my aching heart

To be one piece and not in parts

10/02/06

All That's Wrong

2009-09-03T00:14:00.004-07:00

My hands feel dirty with the deeds I have done

My heart hangs heavy with all the things wrong

To look in the mirror and see the hate

All the things that I've not wanted to face

The loneliness that lays in my bed

The echoes of nothing in my head

I see myself as failure completely incomplete

Feeling loneliness all the time - tasting defeat

I ache to break out of it - to be free of you

To feel better about this lonliness and be through

Regardless my heart will ache and my head will pound

Until my final resting day when I lay underground

Joeann L. Hunter

10/23/06

Hopes & Dreams

2009-09-03T00:14:00.003-07:00

Whenever I see you my hopes and dreams come rushing back
Even though I thought I lost them on life's beaten track
You brighten my day
Just by the little things that you say

I know this must be infatuation - it can't be love
Because you don't know the heavy heart that I lug
There's so many times I've wanted to tell you
and yet not able to actually have this come true

Life's path is hard and long
And I can't bear to walk it alone
So I place my hopes and dreams in a sack
And continue to walk life's beaten track

The Ghost of Me

2009-09-03T00:14:00.001-07:00

Sitting in the ghost of me
Surrounded by memories
The good and the bad
Happiness magnified – that's what I had

It's still hard to believe
That it was my choice to leave
I don't know what to say or write
Except that I sit in this ghost night after night

Trying to find out who I am – better yet who I'll be
Never finding the answer deep inside this ghost of me
Always searching – always haunted
Always reaching – always taunted

Every morning I wake
To be forsaken
And seeing the Ghost in me
Staring right back at me

- Joeann L. Hunter 4/23/01

You Know You Want Me

2009-09-03T00:13:00.001-07:00

You know you want me
The stirring is constant down below
You know you want me
and you want me more when the cold wind blows

You know you want me
To feel my lips upon yours
You know you want me
holding your hand as we walk the sandy shores

You know you want me
The feeling is unbearable
You know you want me
when the nights are lonely and you're feeling terrible

You know you want me
To hold you close and tight
You know you want me
holding you through the night

You know you want me
Why don't you just agree
You know you want me
because I wished for thee

JLK

FINE

2009-09-03T00:12:00.000-07:00

Don't worry about me

I smile through these tears

Why can't you see

I've been doing it all these years

My heart grows cold by the second

I feel you shred my heart

I know you're just checking

To see how it will start

How I will mend back into one

But I don't move as I smile

I remain still, shocked and shunned

Longing to run that mile

But the tears they run instead

As I feel the pain inside

You continue to shred

Apart my love and pride

10/26/06
JLK

Different Shape of Tears

2009-09-03T00:11:00.001-07:00

I cried last night

The tears meant something

All the hurt inside

The pushing and pulling

Different emotions

Pumping in my veins

My devotion

Isn't the same

I'm tired of this skin

Tired of the shame

Exhausted with the pain

I'm quitting this game

I'm not up for the race

But I don't want to walk away

I want to stand in place

And face the next day

The tears were odd

Out of pain, anger and despair

They made me feel like a fraud

Like I'm not even here

11/7/06
JLK

Automatic Tears

2009-09-03T00:10:00.000-07:00

I'm missing you already

Yet you are still here

I'll never be ready

For the automatic tears

The memories we've had

The ones yet to be made

Amazing and horribly bad

Black and white even the greys

You're the reason that I breathe

The reason I have my spine

The story behind me

I'm blessed to call you mine

If all of us could only be

Running around this crazy world

Torturing and loving - happily

Taken away it can be in just a twirl

So I'll try to make you proud

Try to love you more than I can

Before there is no more sound

When I can no longer stand

I love you both with all my heart

Being without you both is what I fear

To be completely ripped apart

Forced into automatic tears

11/9/06

*Dedicated to my folks - no lame ass corny comments you all know my parents and my siblings and I love them more than we know. We take life for granted take the days, hours and seconds of happiness we have for granted...

Illusions

2009-09-03T00:08:00.000-07:00

The blood in my mouth is because of you

All of the crap you have put us through

The humiliation – you're better than us

We fought so hard to earn your trust

Why did we bother – you are too good

On your pedestal you could never be rude

Your hate and ignorance is all you show

I thought I was evil but what did I know

You make my stomach turn how you throw it away

Maybe it's better off that you disappear one day

Follow the footsteps that were laid out for you

As far as I'm concerned it's best you follow through

Disappear in the lies you choose to believe

You were taught well and the lesson you learned was to leave

Joeann L. Hunter
12-18-06

What I'm Hoping For...

2009-09-02T23:59:00.002-07:00

You could've had me

And now it's too late

I've moved on – you see

You've sealed your fate

You missed the chance

To walk with me

To have that dance

Just you wait and see

You could've had me at hello

My heart would've soared

Yet you didn't know

Now it can't be yours

I've met an amazing soul

Who makes my heart soar

I just hope he knows

He's what I'm hoping for

7-22-07

Oil & Water

2009-09-02T23:59:00.001-07:00

One likes the other only he can go so far

He never thought of what would happen next

All he knew was that he desired her heart

Ever since the day they had met

He never thought this through

Never assumed it would see the light

That his dream could come true

And now he's a full of a little fright

It's in his galaxy – nearing his grasp

In his face and it's as if he's a child once more

He thought this moment would elapse

That it wasn't what his future had in store

But there's a fear inside growing stronger

He feels his heart beating outside himself

He's not sure if he can stand this any longer

Wondering if it truly is time to take it off the shelf

7-23-07

Unlocked a Piece of Me

2009-09-02T23:56:00.000-07:00

I've tied up my emotions for this reason exactly

He makes me think and wonder what it could be

And I torture myself about this madly

Trying to be what he wants – you see

My entire life I've imagined it to be this way

He fits inside of my mind like a puzzle piece

I just want him to be there and to stay

I'm nervous to hear that I won't bring him peace

I don't want to know the truth behind his words

I want to live in this make believe life

Because I know it would leave me disturbed

Bringing back all the pain and strife

To live in this happy bubble to be on cloud nine

To be his beautifully blinded freakshow

Is just perfectly, happily, safely mine

That is beyond what I'll ever truly know

I've locked my heart away so it could go untouched

Yet he somehow snuck deep inside of me

And his small insignificant words mean so much

He strummed the right chords so carefully

I know love and life is far from a fairy tale

And to be whom he wants to share his world

Is all that matters to a heart that has felt failed

Yet he's made my life unfurled

8-1-07 JLK

Thick Air

2009-09-02T23:55:00.001-07:00

The air is so thick and it's hard for me to breathe

I look out into the city and wonder where you could be

I think too much and without the strength to continue

I'm going crazy down this broken heart avenue

Spinning in circles I wish I knew what you were thinking

I know I could lose everything just by blinking

It holds me back – my fear and self esteem

It lifts me up when I have those dreams

Just jump go it – go for it is all I hear

But I don't want my courage to be my spear

The thick air surrounds my heart holding me back

I know there has to be something I lack

I curse the day you gave me hope and put this chaos in

The day you called me beautiful burnt through my skin

Savoring that moment is all I can seem to do

Always wondering what will come of I and you

© JLK 8-31-07

History Repeats

2009-09-02T23:53:00.001-07:00

Seasons come and seasons go.
A blooming flower to a withering rose.
Spring brings flowers,
while lightning and wind storms bring showers
The cold wind blows
as the winter rains turn to snow.
Then once again Spring
Begins in full swing
Yet again history repeats.
While warming up becomes the feat
Staying warm-then staying cool
while wading in a Summer pool
The circle of life is never complete
for history always repeats.

—Joeann L. Hunter
March 7th, 2000

Love Catches Up

2009-09-02T23:52:00.001-07:00

On the days when hope is running low

When my heart is turning a deep dark blue

As it seems the world has nothing to show

I turn to find the hope of you

As the skies darken and my heart creeps down

Loneliness swells to the highest point

My knees are close to hitting the ground

I turn to you and you do not disappoint

My mind may wander and my heart follows

I cannot hold back this wide grinned smile

The thought of you pushes away all of my sorrows

Silly thoughts of me and you all the while

Yet I remember that one day so perfectly

With your words ripping away my wall

You crashed through so swiftly

Made me see that love catches up eventually

JLK - 8-17-07

Autumn View

2009-09-02T23:50:00.002-07:00

The rain pours down

While I'm thinking of you

Without a sound

The cold breeze cuts through

The wind whips my hair

Around my face

I'm not with you there

I'm stuck in this place

The rain drips down

Falling onto my skin

The traffic has slowed

All I can think is of him

Wanting his hands

His kisses and touch

Does anyone understand

To want someone this much

But the rain pours over me

And the chill cuts through

As I wonder where could you be

I wander off into the autumn view

My heart concentrates on the wind

The cold harsh breeze and the pouring rain

Your kisses, your touch – our sins

The sorrow and the pain

11/7/06

Blink of an Eye

2009-09-02T23:50:00.001-07:00

My eyes drift close as I think of what I've done

As they open I realize I'm coming undone

I'm breaking down just like I have before

Wondering now what life truly has in store

I know I'm not alone in this and my eyes close again

Warmth consumes me as the wind chills my skin

Yet I need to pull myself in and look over this mess

Because I cannot be happy living life in this distress

So I let the wind pull me around for the moment

Let the tears carry me for this time is stolen

The night is quiet and the streets are barren

I stand on the sidewalk looking up and staring

At the few stars I can make out past the clouds

In this stolen city silence the trees seem so loud

I feel something stronger taking hold of my soul

Holding me closer not daring to let go

I feel safer as I break down this time as I have before

I know I'm coming undone as I climb the stairs to the door

Sliding my key into the lock wondering what will come of me

I turn the key and have faith that what will be will be

11/14/07 ©JLK

Still Water

2009-09-02T23:49:00.001-07:00

Still water runs deep

The silence is strong

All I want is some sleep

But it all feels so wrong

I need time and space

Far away from here

But it's such a waste

When traveling in despair

I want to sink into his arms

Not the blanket on my bed

I'd like him to keep me warm

And bring sanity to my head

Yet I long to be alone

Sleep the most amazing sleep

But I feel I may turn to stone

This still water is too deep

©JLK

11/17/07

Heart of Despair

2009-09-02T23:48:00.001-07:00

We're all a little broken

Looking for some hope

Our voices soft spoken

Just trying to cope

Just a bit shredded

From building the walls

Shaking with dread

While protecting them all

A bit torn from the naysayers

Who nudged at your hand

To lay yet another layer

They will never understand

How you have become broken

In your heart of despair

Your voice is soft spoken

With not a soul that cares

So you bask in the darkness

You shut out the light

You swim in your sickness

Try to fight the good fight

But we're all broken

We're all torn

Our heart is a token

For love scorned

11/23/07

©JLK

Me & Huckabee

2009-09-02T23:47:00.004-07:00

Walking down the street

Imaging your hand in mine

Wondering if you'll leave

Or stay until there's no more time

Trying constantly to conceive

How I got to this place

Trying hard to believe

Maybe falling into his grace

Good morning beautiful

Something I dwell upon

It sends me into a lull

I'm turning into the swan

What if I cannot capture his heart

I fear that this will torch me

This will definitely tear me apart

The possibility - Me and Huckabee

©JLK

11/26/07

Nervously Waiting

2009-09-02T23:47:00.003-07:00

Too nervous to step into his world

Scared it will all crumble around me

Yet I just might be the girl

Without a doubt or uncertainty

Waiting on the curb nervously waiting

Fidgeting with my nails and my hair

Wondering what is taking so long just anticipating

Sliding my blond locks behind my ear

Wanting him to want me there

Willing it all to fall into place

Wondering why he isn't already here

Saying those words to my face

I know my heart will find its way

It's own road carved by destiny

So I wait for that fateful day

When he will finally see me for me

©JLK – 01-01-08

Within Me

2009-09-02T23:47:00.001-07:00

Running through my personal hell

Please say that it cannot be true

Trying to stand after I fell

I'm over my head, what do I do

Clawing my way through dust

Trying to find the light at the end

Looking for someone to trust

Just trying to find a trusted friend

I begin to hope as I see a speck of light

But I slip back into my darkness

Nothing seems or feels right

As I begin to reaffirm my loneliness

I want someone to listen and understand

To finally see through my eyes

For them to tie my shoes and feel how I stand

To get beyond all of the lies

It breaks my heart to lose such a friend

Who brought a smile to my face

Its heart-wrenching to come to this end

And not be in their friendly grace

But I'm over my head there is no end in sight

I won't remain in this darkness, it will not consume me

I need to finally stand inside and be a part of the light

And then maybe I will finally be able to see

My heart leaps in bounds as I see a glimmer

Something that shines deep inside of me

I found that I can sparkle and I can shimmer

I now know I don't need anyone to complete me

©JLK 01-02-08

Loaded Heart

2009-09-02T23:46:00.003-07:00

My heart is locked and loaded

Aiming directly at him

I don't know when it was stolen

But it always feels like a sin

So many moments have passed

Where my chance has laid

Directly in my grasp

Now I feel I can't be saved

It's do or die, sink or swim

My heart is no longer mine

It belongs to only him

And I feel it's such a crime

With each beat it's wasted

The silence tends to grow

My lips have never tasted

What my heart can only know

©JLK 1-3-08

My Mistake

2009-09-02T23:46:00.001-07:00

The choice is mine now

Do I bend or will I break

I'm not sure where to run or how

Regardless it will be my mistake

Bring him to me my heart pleads

Not knowing what God has in store

Not sure to where it will lead

Unsure of what this life is for

We muddle through with hope in sight

Faith and love are following closely

With a bucket of fear off to the right

To the left wonder resides gloriously

Yet free will was given to us as a gift

The best and the worst hand in hand

Allowing us to choose how to live

Never given the knowledge to understand

So we stumble and fall

We stand slowly and strong

We bust through the walls

And stick our chins up when wrong

The choice is mine now

Will I bend or will I break

I'll never be certain where to run or how

But does it always have to be my mistake

©JLK – 1-2-08

In a Perfect World

2009-09-02T23:45:00.004-07:00

Hearts would never break

Dreams would never die

There wouldn't be any mistakes

In a perfect world for you and I

In a perfect world love would remain

And death wouldn't exist

There would be no bloodstains

No need to reminisce

Laughter would be heard

Rather than tears of pain

Everything would be understood

Everyone would be sane

In a perfect world you would stay

Take my hand in yours hold it tight

While guiding me along the way

Making everything seem alright

No questions in our minds

About where we shall go

What we shall find

And what we will know

In a perfect world you would be mine

And my heart wouldn't breaking

You'd be the reason to my shine

And it wouldn't be mistaken

©JLK - 01/07/08

Would You Believe?

2009-09-02T23:45:00.003-07:00

Would you believe me if I said I love you

Believe me if I said I that I'd be there

If I said that I can't shake these feelings and they're true

Would you even bother to begin to care?

I wander the streets, my heart twists and turns

My mind always goes back to you

Always threatening to never return

Yet I wonder will I make it through

These dark and fearsome thoughts rule me

Never allowing me to cut the strings and let go

To soar above and beyond, to finally be free

Or sadly learn what I do not want to know

That I do not invade your thoughts at night

Like you do to mine, keeping me awake

Yet it feels so wrong and never right

Like waiting will be a huge mistake

The deepest and darkest valley of my soul

Is scared to pieces you'll walk away

That you will tell me never and no

And my heart will never see the light of day

Yet I know if I never try I can not know

What could've, might've, should've been

Or be brave enough to let go and soar

One day I'll be brave enough I just need to know when

©JLK

01/11/08

This Way

2009-09-02T23:45:00.001-07:00

When morning breaks

So does my heart

It was my mistake

To let us part

As I lay here

Alone and silent

Fingers in my hair

Sun shining vibrant

How can it go on

My world has stopped

I feel like a con

Like my heart is a prop

I watch the sun set

In my bed all day

Here's what I don't get

How has he got me this way

From the first breath

The first heart beat

My heart sunk to the depth

Of my soul to my feet

Here I lay waiting, alone

Watching another day

Come and be gone

How did he get me this way?

©JLK

01-13-08

We Walk Like Kings

2009-09-02T23:44:00.001-07:00

We walk like Kings...do you?
We walk through the fire together
We see with our third eye in all we do
The music unites our minds and souls forever

In the background we feel the pain
In our hearts we know the ache
The music is blaring in the London rain
and will you be at the young soul's wake?

For each of us who are Kings
We tend to walk proud
And think of many things
While playing their music loud

We sit here and talk back at the ocean
while we are living this semi charmed life
cause the words ring true and I've got this notion
That life will always contain such strife

The wind is blowing and it's summertime
As I see my friends in a crowd of you
When I hear the God of Wine
I reminisce of the concerts that I've been to

The four right chords can make me cry
As the children's voices fade away
Just to know I have someone by my side
To help me deal with this pain

Their music helps us in our time of need
It's nice to know someone thinks as we do
Their blood is the same that we bleed
Because we walk like Kings...do you?

DEDICATED TO THIRD EYE BLIND FOR MAKING ME WALK LIKE A KING

Nowhere to Hide

2009-09-02T23:43:00.001-07:00

Things crash

Torn apart

Nothing lasts

Not even a heart

Walls crumble

Aching never ends

Continue to stumble

Around every bend

I'm tired and weak

Can't stand anymore

My heart has a leak

Can't settle a score

I'm exhausted

And torn

I've lost it

I'm worn

Things crash

They shatter

Nothing lasts

Nothing matters

Torn apart

Pain deep inside

Broken heart

Nowhere to hide

JLK © 1/23/08

Step Into the Light

2009-09-02T23:42:00.001-07:00

So afraid to move forward

Afraid to stand still

My heart is in constant storage

Yet it has all the will

Step into the light

Break the spell

Somewhere bright

Where I am well

I watch my heart

Beat slowly in my chest

Lonely from the start

This is hardly my best

So I try to move forward

My feet stand still

Always the coward

Never trusting my will

©JLK 02-04-08

After Midnight

2009-09-02T23:40:00.005-07:00

After midnight

It all gets so clear

So crisp and bright

There isn't any fear

Everything plays out

As I lay in my bed

There is never any doubt

When it plays out in my head

It all seems like a flick

Yet I know life isn't that way

I wish life worked that quick

Just an escape for which we pay

But only late at night

Everything seems fine again

And slowly after midnight

Do these ideas make sense

©JLK 02/06/08

The Way the Wind Blows

2009-09-02T23:40:00.003-07:00

The wind blows through my mind

Forever making it hard to decide

The sense of peace is hard to find

How I feel or where my heart resides

Obstacles appear before me in my path

Making me cautiously wonder

Constantly retracing my tracks

Feeling every single blunder

My heart still yearns for that connection

It still aches passionately for it to be wrong

Curiosity still wonders what is your perfection

As it crumbles around me I will try to be strong

You effortlessly blow through my mind

Around every corner I continue to turn

I marvel if I will ever be so lucky to find

That person for who my soul can burn

©JLK 1-12-08

Think of You

2009-09-02T23:40:00.001-07:00

Am I even in your view

A blip on your radar

Cause all I do is think of you

When life gets harder

Other paths I can choose

Other steps I could take

Never thought I'd lose

Or that my heart would break

I can't get you out of my head

Even though I know it isn't right

I could move on, but instead

I feel like sticking it out in this fight

I'm scared and so lost

Spinning alone in this mess

Wondering what will be the cost

Willing to pay the price, I do confess

Images I've played in my mind

Things I've only imagined

I've only just come to find

Images that I might have to abandon

I can't let you go and so scared I might

I feel as if I'll lose me with that release

As I fall helplessly into the dark night

And that my heart could possibly freeze

You've thawed it without even knowing

Allowed it to start beating once again

My heart felt like spring with buds growing

Never dare I look towards other men

But then it becomes too still

My heart hardly beats

Slowly working on the chill

Waiting on my defeat

Other men attempt what you have done

They try to tame my heart

Could they finish what you had begun

Can they figure out the parts

So many images I've played out

Tears have streamed this heart and face

I keep having so much doubt

Wondering if I'll find my place

I want to be in your view

Be the only thing on your radar

Cause I tend to fall into you

And it only gets harder

©JLK

2/14/08

Enjoying the View

2009-09-02T23:39:00.001-07:00

I cannot help that my heart

Falls desperately into his hands

It did this on its own from the start

No one seems to understand

The meaning behind my insanity

It's the cause behind my clueless mind

I cannot help it, can't you see

It's my heart I cannot seem to find

It lies in his hands and he doesn't know

As he goes about his life, it beats

These feelings beat stronger as he goes

About his life walking the streets

I cannot help that he holds my heart

That is lies desperately inside of his hands

It did this from the very start

Yet no one seems to understand

I cannot control it, it falls where it will

I wish I could make it do as I desire

To fall into someone else's, but still

I feel I'm walking a long thin wire

I know it will fall and shatter to pieces

I'm looking for something I cannot grasp

There's this thing inside me longing for release

Something I know that will continue to last

But I wonder as I stand on the edge

If I turn around or fall over the side

My heart is sitting on the ledge

Not knowing what to decide

So I'll stand here and wait, enjoying the view

Waiting for the wind to help me decide

Always unsure of what I will do

Certain I will definitely enjoy this ride

©JLK 02-19-08

Fade to Black

2009-09-02T23:36:00.001-07:00

Tears are swelling in my eyes

Frustration washes over me

All I can think of are your lies

Wishing you could only see

Wishing the acceptance was there

I hope nothing but the best for you

Yet it’s something you don’t want to hear

Something I doubt I’ll get through

So sit there believing I am wrong

That all these words are full of hate

This road I’ve traveled on so long

It feels as if I’m about to break

Yet again I sit here worrying about you

About your feelings and pushing myself aside

Wondering how you’ll get through

Not worrying about what I feel inside

I’m tired of the games, tired of feeling this

Tired of being thrown off to the side

Tired of feeling like rubbish

Exhausted from the pain inside

The only thing that can fix this mess

Is to walk away and not look back

It’s the only way to bring happiness

To let it all just fade to black

JLK - 4/2/08

The Innocence

2009-09-02T23:34:00.003-07:00

Innocence, it fades

While I sit here in the shade

My heart it continues to grow

And only my soul knows

The pain of this loss

The weight of this cross

Happiness, it doesn't last

Forever echoing in my past

Mocking me day by day

Never allowing us to go that way

Back down from where we came

Beyond the rainbow out of this rain

Innocence, it fades away

Happiness gets lost along the way

At the end of the rainbow

A new wind will begin to blow

JLK - 4/26/01

You

2009-09-02T23:34:00.001-07:00

You left a stirring

Deep in my soul

You left me yearning

Out of control

You left me lost

Dazed and confused

You left me at the cost

Of betrayed and abused

But I left you go

Knowing there was little to do

But I needed to show

Myself that it was true

But I let you run me down

Throwing words like bricks

And made me feel like a clown

Without any tricks

JLK 4/26/01

Just a Trace

2009-09-02T23:33:00.003-07:00

I see your face
And it's just a trace
Of all the harm he's done
And how I wanted to run

Far away from this mess
I'll find myself a new address
He's caused so much pain
But still I love you just the same

If not more, but never less
My love is all I can profess
He's broken hearts, yours too
His continuing unfaithfulness to you

Why can't you see
Who you need to be
To wipe this trace away
And look upon a new day

JLK - 4/26/01